Well I left out some important bits. You guys must be aware of the stealing ways of Goldman Sachs secretary, Jyoti De-Laurey. (Shit that name is right out of some bad day-soap.) She is accused of stealing almost $8.1 million from her ex-bosses by forging checks. According to NY Post, her former bosses gave her $2 million as “a reward for being me.” I just have one question, why? why?

Beller “made it very clear that he would always look after me financially and what was his was mine and I would never have to worry about money concerns as long as I worked for him,” De- Laurey testified, describing him as “an absolute diamond,” reports Bloomberg News.

Goldman investment banker Scott Mead, and managing directors Ron Beller and his wife, Jennifer Moses, have accused the secretary, Joyti of forging signatures on checks and money transfers, the Post says. She used the money to buy among other things a villa in Cyprus, a Range Rover, a string of bank accounts, and a powerboat. (Well no one can accuse her of bad taste at the very least.)

The British husband of an Asian secretary, charged with stealing “£4,404,678” from her bosses in a spectacular fraud case in London, said he attributed his wife’s marked weakness for jewellery to the fact that she was “Indian”. But Joyti’s surname belongs to her husband, one Anthony De-Laurey, a bearded chauffeur 15 years older than her and a gent who has been turning up for court proceedings in a stylish hat and dark glasses.

Detectives called in by Goldman Sachs discovered a bizarre handwritten letter to God in her office. “Dear God,” it said, “Please protect me. I need one more helping of what’s mine … and then I must cut down and cease in time all the plundering,” reports the Guardian.