With airlines industry in a slump; rising unemployment and political and socio-economic troubles dotting the planet, I thought it was time for me to take a look at some bargain flights to places that might come in handy for those amongst us contemplating suicide or other such dire actions.

The Trip: The Shanghai Surprise
Destination: Shanghai/Beijing

SARS affected region is quickest way to catch the bug, prolong your disease and have a look at the New York of tomorrow. It will set you back a mere $650 if you decide to buy the ticket fromPriceline.com

The Trip: The Toronto Shakes
Destination: Toronto, Canada

To scared or lazy to fly to China or other parts of Asia, well we have an English-speaking alternative in Toronto. The city is digging up almost dead rockers like Rush to attract tourists to their fair city. However, SARS lingers. Air Canada and a whole slew of carriers will take you to your final countdown for less than $125, one way. (You can select other SARS destinations and get special. Check here for latest on SARS and affected regions.)

The Trip: Travels with Osama
Destination: Kabul, Afghanistan.

Kabul and than onwards to Kandahar is perfect for those of us who are the most privileged and have a few thousand to burn before they go. A $900 trip to Pakistan (where someone is going to take a shot at you for free) and another $500 for travels to the two cities of your choice is clearly a deluxe death package. In the Osama country, they will hang you by your toes and let vultures feast on you. Osama might actually stop by for a dekho and record a video. You might finally get your fifteen minutes!

The Trip: Survivor the Saddam Edition
Destination: Baghdad, Iraq.

Forget Survivor, a whole slew of carriers, camel trains and cars will get you to the Iraqi capital. A cool $1500 or so if you can get to Syria or even Saudi Arabia. I recommend going through Lebanon, you might save a buck or two, and perhaps get taken out before you get to the newest member of the American Empire. Being non-Iraqi alone would assure you of a tough time, and perhaps make the act of dying more *adventurous*. Our most recommended package.

The Trip: Make your own trip
Destination: TBA

Thanks to our tax dollars, the US government has put together a highly focused list of *attractive* destinations for its citizens who wish to defy the odds. You can get the information at http://travel.state.gov/ This trip is especially appealing to do-it-yourself nuts/

(Disclaimer: this is a commentary on the terrible state of affairs around the planet. It was my attempt to add some humor. The piece is written with deliberate irony. So dont be sending me nasty emails)